On my way to the fly over state I now live in, I met a woman who has a little boy on the spectrum, Autistic, and she told me about his aggressive streak. Well, I know when I am most pissed off and ready to smash people and things is when I am hurting. Either from being touched or noise input that I cannot handle. Now I can express I don’t like this. Not 10 yrs ago I didn’t even know what was wrong so I couldn’t explain it.
Soooo, this woman is explaining to me that he freaks out when he is touched AND HE NEEDS TO GET OVER IT! I don’t care how much therapy you give him, its still going to hurt if your touching him and he doesn’t want to be touched. I’m trying to be a little givng here, but damn, it hurts even when I want to be touched. So there is that too.
My brain says, oooh come over here and squish me and love me and hug me and never let me go, and my body says back the @$%^ off. So there is also that. If I go to you its not awful. If you reciprocate its a little more difficult, I personally can hold kids, puppies, give hugs and I am fine. Its when the hug is returned that I react. My skin burns where I am touched. I don’t believe if I didn’t have the Mom I was given that I would even be verbal. So I can tell people how I feel. (It doesn’t do a bit of good really, maybe a tiny bit, but this world is not up to dealing with my needs, most ignore them to their needs, I don’t like the phone, it hurts my ears, but, I get called all the time because its easier on the caller. I’m going to guess it doesn’t physically hurt to txt me BUT I HURT WHEN I’M ON THE PHONE!) I can’t sleep without my soothy an I can’t find it. This sucks. Or not as is the actual case. (My soothy is my darn binky, yes, your child could go to college with his/her binky. I have met soooo many people over the years who still use a binky/thumb suck as an adult. All they have to do is see mine and they open right up, oh cool, I still (insert thumb or binky) do that too. )
I think that does it for tonight…… I’m no good on no sleep…