I am STILL mad!

On my way to the fly over state I now live in, I met a woman who has a little boy on the spectrum, Autistic, and she told me about his aggressive streak. Well, I know when I am most pissed off and ready to smash people and things is when I am hurting. Either from being touched or noise input that I cannot handle. Now I can express I don’t like this. Not 10 yrs ago I didn’t even know what was wrong so I couldn’t explain it.

Soooo, this woman is explaining to me that he freaks out when he is touched AND HE NEEDS TO GET OVER IT! I don’t care how much therapy you give him, its still going to hurt if your touching him and he doesn’t want to be touched. I’m trying to be a little givng here, but damn, it hurts even when I want to be touched. So there is that too.

My brain says, oooh come over here and squish me and love me and hug me and never let me go, and my body says back the @$%^ off. So there is also that. If I go to you its not awful. If you reciprocate its a little more difficult, I personally can hold kids, puppies, give hugs and I am fine. Its when the hug is returned that I react. My skin burns where I am touched. I don’t believe if I didn’t have the Mom I was given that I would even be verbal. So I can tell people how I feel. (It doesn’t do a bit of good really, maybe a tiny bit, but this world is not up to dealing with my needs, most ignore them to their needs, I don’t like the phone, it hurts my ears, but, I get called all the time because its easier on the caller. I’m going to guess it doesn’t physically hurt to txt me BUT I HURT WHEN I’M ON THE PHONE!) I can’t sleep without my soothy an I can’t find it. This sucks. Or not as is the actual case. (My soothy is my darn binky, yes, your child could go to college with his/her binky. I have met soooo many people over the years who still use a binky/thumb suck as an adult. All they have to do is see mine and they open right up, oh cool, I still (insert thumb or binky) do that too. )

I think that does it for tonight…… I’m no good on no sleep…

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Best western rocks

I feel like a Princess in this room and it was 49.00 the same price as the dive down the street which is what got me to pull over after 24 hrs of travel, with stops thrown in for critter care and restin up.

Thank you so much to the man with the dog that eats her veggies, that tank of gas you gave me was more then just travel power. It gave me a happy in my tummy that is still there. I will definitely try watermelon with Tay. The others are a no go.

Here’s some pics of my room, also funds for it donated from caring people. Thanks to everyone who helped. I am almost there. One sleep and I will be with my kid. Yay!

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And one of my Tay

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I’m safe and over tired. I cannot sleep.

Bedtime soon

I missed seeing the kitty last night but my neighbor fed him, I checked his bowl and it had food in it. I left her canned food and I just fed him tonight dry and wet. Not sure where the neighbor is as I haven’t seen her all day.

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I hate to have to leave him in 2 days. At least now I cannot feel his ribs much.

I took Skitz home. I am glad I did. They were happy to see each other. They are quite bonded.

I had a good nights sleep and productive day, for me. I got al my stuff organized that I will be traveling with and got myself fed. I had 3 doses off pain meds today. I called my pharmacy and got a miracle, they had a refill of my Tramadol that I didn’t have before. Weird. Miracle of the mos! I took 2 this morning. 2 butabiline around 1 and 4 ibuprophen tonight. I haven’t felt this good in a long time.

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Those stupid people are still letting their dogs out and they have chased Taylor 5 times already. I don’t let them get close enough to bite her though. The first time was one time too many!

Musings of waking

Medical conditions diagnosed with, HFA, SPD, ARTHRITIS, OSTEOARTHRITIS, WORST NECK XRAY FOR SOMEONE MY AGE- TOLD IT LOOKS LIKE A 60 YEAR OLD FACTORY WORKER, RESIDUAL OF A ZILLION INJURIES (this one is what I use because I lived fun when I was younger and due to lack of cordination I got hurt a lot, including but not limited to falling off 2 tractor trailer semi’s and being slammed, kicked, and landed on by different horses.), ASTHMA,ENDOMETRIOSIS, PID, INCOMPETENT CERVIX, BRONCHITIS, MIGRAINES, SINUSITIS,

All these things and no proper medical care. All because I have a book with every prescription I have taken over the years but the Dr. In Avon Park I saw, (I’m lookin at you Dr. Karr) said it was medicine seeking behavior. When in fact its extreme OCD. BAHH. WHATEVER. I gave up and take what ever I can get at the store. Over 6 mos with out medical care. There was one Dr. After him but they were in contact and he treated me like dirt from the start. No one understands Autism.

And then this morning the neighbor asked me to let her boyfriend stay in my room when her Mom and parole officer visit. Uhhh NO! .I don’t let men in my room. I’m Married. (Seperated but still married, bound by my vow) she is living illegally because a condition of her release was to stay away from this guy. 5 yrs in Prison and not abiding by the law. Back in she should go. I don’t want to get hurt so I will stay out of it 100%. But it freaks me out. She wears an ankle tracker and carries a box that goes to it also. I’m so glad I’m a good girl.

Skitz is going back to his Dad. I asked my Mom to take him but all her cats are old and passing away and she doesn’t want more. Boy kept me awake all night and I’m hurting so bad. My eyes are itty bitty puffy slits.

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  He’s a tool and always been his Dads cat. I never wanted a second cat. As a matter of fact my husband always said I had one (Cammie) and it was only fair he had one too. So he can step up and care for his cat. I don’t do well on no sleep.

That stray cat came back last night. I started him on antibiotics and he ate good. He likes the neighbor better than me but she’s been here 7 mos and has fed him before. I hope he is ok after I leave here.

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  Well I think I will end here. I have a big day of resting and maybe travelling.

Every where I go there is sadness

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Last night I heard a cat meowing and this lil man was running around. He has mange on his tail base and bite marks in his neck, oil on his feet and ribs sticking out so bad. So I fed him. I wish I could do more. But I gave the lady here a half case of canned food and I used Cam and Skitz dry food.

I am in a hotel. I left a bad relationship. I left the man who told me the other day I will never find someone who loves me like him. I am happy about that. Because he hurt my senses badly. He stalked me, he cussed at me, he put me down. And I broke free. There is more. I want to forget but I don’t. I never want to be put down and hurt again. And it was more than that. I am on ssi and he isn’t. But yet he is disabled and no income on his own, he needs to find out what is wrong because his work ethic is non exsistant.  And and…

So now, day 2 I am feeling better, resting and Praying I can find a way to get out of the hotel without ending up homeless. A lady (left unamed for her protection) gave me 140.00 to help so I got a room for a week. My time is up next Wednesday. So while I am here I will help the critter God put in my path the best I can. I will feed him. I will not trap him and take away his life. I don’t have it in me. If your reading this and wish to adopt the lil orange man please leave me a message. I will do everything in my power to get him to you. Which means, the foot work. Because I have no funds available to help myself, much less him.

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And just because this little doll brings me happiness.

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This is Brooklyn Paige. I lost all my childhood dolls when my care taker got drunk and threw them out along with my stuffed animals. I am trying to heal and be positive and move forward but I never get the down time in a safe place to just heal. I am working on that now. I want to see my best friend Linda and  I miss my daughter and want to meet my Grandaughter. Please Pray that I can. Isn’t she cute?

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And this is my beautiful daughter.

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Please comment if you read this. I feel so alone.

Junie update and Tay

Jr is ok. He got fixed up and is home resting! Yay. No broken leg.

Taylor…

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She who does not look at the camera. I left my home. And now I’m staying somewhere, where my service dog got attacked by a little yapper dog. The owners of the room I’ve rented, own the attack dog. I am so upset. If your dog attacks, lock it up. I am supposed to be able to move freely where I live with out fear for my dog. I did not alllow that little brat to bite Taylor but I needed to vent because it stresses me out.